• From baby batter to ¬¬¬¬¬¬modern
technology, we count ten of the weirdest things people are allergic to!
10 – Semen, • It sounds like something you’d say to
get out of having sex, but semen allergies are a legitimate medical condition! They’re
known in the medical world as ‘human seminal plasma hypersensitivity’ and cause burning
and itching in the underpants region, and even nasty vaginal swelling.
• This allergy isn’t just for women; some unlucky men are actually allergic to their
own semen! Researchers have found that these poor guys develop flu-like symptoms after
sex or masturbation. Coming into contact with their own jizz irritates their eyes and skin
and causes mucus to build up in their nostrils. Gross!
• If you’re allergic to semen, there are a few treatment options. You could abstain
from sex and orgasms for the rest of your life … Or you could inject yourself with
small amounts of semen, upping the dose over time to build a tolerance. Or you could try
what one patient did: have sex every 48 hours to desensitise yourself. I know what I’d
choose. 9 – Sunlight,
• The sun may seem like a friendly dude, but for people with sun allergies he’s basically
Satan. Instead of enjoying basking in those warm yellow rays, people with photodermatosis
or solar urticaria have to spend their days darting from cover to cover, hiding in the
shadows. • If they don’t, they’ll develop an
uncomfortable rash all over their body. It may not be life-threatening, but it’s painful
and not pretty to look at. • For people with this allergy it’s basically
like being a vampire. Or a redhead. Best stick to wet gloomy places,
and don’t even bother going to California. 8 – Deodorant,
• An allergy to deodorant sounds like something a stinky asshole would make up to justify
his face-melting body odour, but it’s actually a real condition. People with this allergy
basically react badly to the ingredients in most deodorants and perfumes. The condition
triggers horrifying symptoms, like hives, pimples, peeling skin and even oozing lesions.
• It’s pretty serious, but it doesn’t mean you have to go around smelling like the
inside of a dirty gym shoe. Sufferers can try specially made prescription deodorants or
gentle alternatives like talcum or baby powder. See, there’s hope for a brighter-smelling
tomorrow. • Look, I’m sorry if you have this. I
meant no offence. It must be tough to make friends. I’ll be your friend… Actually,
how about we be pen pals? 7 – Wood,
• Can you imagine a reality where touching pencils or paper literally burned the skin
off your hands? That’s what life is like for people with wood allergies. It’s terrible.
Forget drawing nice pictures or living the dream and becoming a lumberjack. Those things
are out. • Whether its dust or solid, wood allergies
affect people in different ways. They can cause skin irritation, nasty coughing fits,
explosive blasts of mucus from your nose and hives, this kind of reminds me of those nut
allergies and noo… the edible kind, well… Actually both are edible but im not thinking
about THAT OTHER ONE. • A thirty-two-year-old banker in the UK
quit his job to become a carpenter, only to find out he’d developed a wood allergy.
He now works exclusively with the only wood that doesn’t set off his allergies: Welsh
Oak. Welsh Oak’s got your back, guy… 6 – Modern Technology,
• These days technology makes the world go round, but for thirty-nine-year-old Debbie
Bird modern technology causes painful reactions, like rashes on her skin and eyelids! Like
thousands of others, Debbie is sensitive to the electromagnetic field given off by most
computers, mobile phones, microwave ovens and even some cars.
• Electro-sensitivity is not considered a real medical condition, but it’s believed
to affect up to five percent of the population. Sceptical researchers believe the symptoms
people are experiencing are most likely caused by flues, viruses, or are completely in the
person’s head. • Maybe we should ask Siri. Siri, is technology
trying to kill us? 5 – Sweat,
• While some people are ‘allergic’ to hard work, sweat allergies actually exist.
The condition is called cholinergic urticarial and it’s surprisingly common. For sufferers,
sweating can cause painful welts, rashes and even hives. Man, is there anything that won’t
give you hives? • The problem with treating and diagnosing
a sweat allergy is that it’s easy to mistake it for an ordinary heat rash. Its symptoms
also overlap with other skin and thyroid disorders, so if you want to deal with a sweat allergy
you’ve first got to jump through fifty flaming hoops and rule out all other conditions.
• Once you know what you’re dealing with, you can treat it with antihistamines, antidepressants
and anabolic steroids. It’s also an idea to lose excess weight and avoid eating spicy
food. Oh, and try to keep your anxiety levels down. I know, I know… Easier said that done,
but anxiety causes you to sweat, which will bring on more anxiety and before you know
it you’re stuck in an infinite sweaty anxious loop.
4 – Clothing, • While many fashionistas are allergic to
bad style, some people are actually allergic to the clothes on their own back! This is
called textile dermatitis and it’s caused by different things for different people.
I mean, the world would be pretty boring if we were all allergic to the same stuff. Hey,
don’t be so fucking smug, nudists! You’ll get yours! I hope a turtle bites your wang!
• Clothing allergies can be triggered by wool or cotton, or by synthetic materials
like rubber, resins, dyes, glues, or tanning agents. It causes rashes, itching and even
blisters. • But, hey, it gets worse. Some people are
even allergic to their own underwear! I think some celebrities have this. It causes the
sufferer a lot of discomfort and will probably get them arrested for touching their junk.
‘No officer! I wasn’t touching myself in front of that playground! I have an underwear
allergy!’ If you have this allergy consult a dermatologist before this becomes your reality.
3 – Beanbags, • In 1996, a little boy suffered respiratory
failure because he was playing on one of the school’s beanbags.
• No, it wasn’t some haunted beanbag that came to life and tried to eat him, although
that would be cool. I should patent that shit before Goosebumps gets onto it. No, the boy
had an allergic to reaction to the dusty soybeans that were used to fill the bag.
• Soybean allergies are quite common. The boy probably knew not to eat them, but would’ve
had no idea they were being used to fill his school beanbags. And this was in the Nineties,
too, when beanbags were everywhere. He wouldn’t have been able to enter a room without seeing
one of those super comfy death traps. 2 – Water,
• Nothing beats taking a dip on a hot day, but did you know one in twenty-three million
people are allergic to our planet’s most abundant resource water? This extremely rare
condition is called aquagenic urticaria and confines most people who suffer from it to
their homes. • People with this condition are hypersensitive
to the ions found in non-distilled water. They’re fine to drink it, but they’ll
get itchy hives if they’re submerged in water – doesn’t matter if it’s a pool,
shower, or lake. One teenage sufferer can’t go swimming,
enjoy a hot bath or even shower after a stressful day’s work. If she gets wet her body explodes
in sore red lumps that take two hours to fade. Obviously she has to wash, but showering causes
her so much pain that she can only do it for a minute at a time.
1 – Every Food and Drink Except Water, Australian boy Kaleb Bussenschutt has
a severe medical condition that makes him allergic to everything but water. He’s so
hypersensitive to the world around him that ingesting anything else triggers agonising
stomach pain. The poor kid literally lives on a diet
of water, ice cubes and one specific brand of lemonade. Since he can’t eat proper food,
he has to get the nutrients he needs to live from a backpack feeding tube that pumps directly
into his stomach. Unfortunately Kaleb’s allergies are
so rare that no cure has been developed yet.