Anxiety During Pregnancy: Watch Abby’s Story | I Am Scary Mommy

By Adem Lewis / in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , /

– I thought that pregnancy
was gonna be magical. I thought I was gonna be an angel and like, float around. I thought occasionally I might vomit but it would be like a graceful puke and it was not like that. It was, hell. It’s all I’ve ever wanted was to be a Mom. Then second trimester hit, and it like, felt like a bus hit me. Like anxiety and depression and obsession and rumination, all the tion’s. Basic things felt like running a marathon. I’ve always been someone who like, exercised and ate well
and was on top of things and I like, couldn’t
even like, brush my hair. And that’s when I knew. It was this thing I
always wanted and I had it and I just hated myself
and I hated being pregnant and I didn’t know, it felt like
there was no like, solution. It really does feel like drowning. I felt like I was like a freak. I felt like, “Okay this
can happen when you’re post-partum, I had no idea that something could happen while you were
pregnant” and I felt like I was already failing as a
mom, even before I had a baby. I didn’t think I would
get sucked into this idea of being like the perfect mom but like, I didn’t know how much
the emotional stigma of like, you have to be
like, natural and nice and stern and it just, it was too much. It’s too much for one person
and when you’re pregnant you feel so alone was one thing. I felt like no one talked to me about was like, sure, I have a
really supportive partner and my family is great
and I have great friends but you’re in this experience and you’re in this body and you’re alone. Everyone talks to you
as if you’re carrying, and you are carrying this
like, super precious thing with like the weight of the
world on your shoulders. Like you go to these doctor appointments and you get all these tests and like, the pressure of being perfect started with just being pregnant
and if anyone else just had given me a heads up that like, it’s not just the
physical side of pregnancy that might knock you off your feet, like that would have meant the world to me. (calming music) It was not the pregnancy I- I knew I was gonna end up in the hospital I didn’t think it was the psych ward. Sorry, bad joke but. This is Finn, he was born October 5th. Hi bud! (kissing) Um, like the minute he got out of me no offense Finn, but you
kind of made me miserable inside of me but I just felt like, I mean it was bizarre how
quickly my emotions changed once I was postpartum, I felt like myself. I was very prepared for how
hard postpartum could be. (Finn cooing) I knew I had to ask
for help because I knew how at risk I was for postpartum OCD and anxiety and depression. It’s fine to ask for help and it’s fine to be mad and sad and miserable. Yeah, it’s like fine to feel
that when you’re pregnant you’re not just like a
vessel for this thing that everyone cared about. You’re more than that. It gets really great when you’re happy. Huh? It’s good when you’re happy. You did a good job! My name is Abby and I’m a Scary Mommy.

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