By Adem Lewis / in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , /

Nameste dear ones, how are you Lisa a Romano The Breakthrough life coach and today I want to talk to you about some key phrases that we need to be aware [of] When we are out and about in public So for anyone out there who’s codependent who came from a dysfunctional home? whose parents were alcoholics we have to understand that our brains have been scrambled if You were to take a child let’s say child a that grew up in a non alcoholic home [a] non Dry alcoholic home where the place was dysfunctional but there were no drugs or alcohol to? Particularly look at so basically your mother and father eft with your head [your] brother your siblings like messed with your head and they learn that for mom and Dad, so Everybody lived in denial, so let’s say you That home let’s say a home like that – that stuff so so let’s say Place home home a is a place where the kids were treated with respect They were raised understanding that their feelings mattered. They were encouraged to speak about how they felt There was a round table Where each person in the family got to Express how they felt and everybody was validated they were encouraged to be their own Individual person they weren’t made fun of they weren’t criticized you know so that’s today, okay, then there’s us We were we’re house b. You know those of us who grew up in homes where we were minimized? We were made fun of we were criticized. We were ignored. We were treated with indifference We were constantly being told what we think and what we feel we were interrogated We were good kids most of us were good kids, but our parents made us feel like we were specimens in a petri dish and That would be evil and that we weren’t any good and they always looked at us from you know from the corner of their eye Projected their their sick stuff on tops, but we didn’t know that we were kids, so I we were babies. We didn’t know that so Let’s say we come from a dysfunctional home with his lots of alcoholism let’s say moms out slutting around and she’s leaving you to take care of your baby brother and your baby sister or or Your the baby experiencing this situation well let’s say dad’s out. You know screw in the town and mom’s home drunk. I mean we were not supposed to be raised like that dear one and if you were oh my God like Kisses and hug and love and light to you and please. I really hope that that you understand. It’s not you It’s your programming which by the way is the name [of] my next book. Well. I have two books in the works That’s the sixth one that I’m working on. It’s not you. It’s your programming so What we’re going to talk about today is is how when you’re raised by [people] who [f] with your head? Who minimize you who criticize you who treat you like you’re nothing? How when you’re an adult [you]? attract people who treat you that way because that’s all you know I believe on an energetic level we’re trying to heal something so so I I Married my mother [I] married my mother’s emotional twin. I didn’t know that then [I] didn’t know that. I was trying to Finally get the attention and validation and the approval of an energy being that was so similar to my mom [I] married a man who made me chase his approval [I] married a man who deliberately withheld love and validation from me [I] married a man who would ignored me for days [I] married a man who would come home and slam the kitchen cabinets. I’d say what’s wrong. He’d say nothing. wrong with you? Why do you think there’s something wrong with me? And I mean a complete mind You know what like what’s happening here?He looked so angry but said nothing was wrong. We walked on eggshells. But it literally made me feel like whoa. What’s going on? You know so similar to how I felt when I was a little girl Didn’t make the conscious connection because up until the age about 33 or 34. I was a zombie [I] was living off of this this programming as that I received as a child and I was unaware that I was unaware okay so about that age I started to figure out [like] something’s really wrong. My body was failing. I got asthma and migraine headaches. I had stomach issues Rashes, weight gain weight Loss nervousness anxiety Panic disorder doctors wanted to medicate me Which was not going to help me because I needed to know how to express my feelings And so if you suppress my ability to get in touch with my feelings [dude] That’s not going to help me that’s going to keep me stuck [and] a lot of people in my opinion unfortunately the the PsyChiatric community are filled with people who just don’t want you to feel anything. You know don’t feel it. You’ll be fine You know okay? I had to learn how to feel my feelings. We don’t know how to feel and I encourage you dear ones if you’re in therapy, and you have a psychiatrist [or] you have a psychologist or a licensed therapist and they and you get the feeling that they do not hear you Find another one they work for you. You are their boss Okay, you don’t need them They need you okay? [and] you have [the] right to walk into a doctor’s office and say excuse me exactly what do you know about Codependency [and] if you if you do know [about] Codependency Exactly, what strategies Are you going to teach me [to] help me get out [of] this way of thinking [Ross] rosenberg is one of my favorite teachers on on Codependency and he trains other therapists about codependent recovery. To help codependents get out of this codependent mind frame. [this] is what I do in [my] coaching classes As well, but I would say Ross Rosenberg is probably the only person that I’ve experienced on Youtube yet thus far that can actually hone in on What’s going to happen in your life as you begin to break these codependent patterns, okay? As a narcissist for all of those out there like okay, Lisa. What are the phrase is I’m going to get to that I’m very long winded as you can tell so um I just really want to say that though dear ones if you if you’re working with someone find someone new to work with if they don’t get you until you find someone who does they work for you, okay? Now we’re going to talk about the fact that most codependents attract narcissistic people. Let’s understand why we attract narcissistic people because we have been mind screwed and We don’t know how to hold on to ourselves We care more about others than ourselves. We worry more about others feelings than our own feelings. We don’t know how to set boundaries. The more you know the better you can take care of yourself. [can’t] mess with me now [a] man or a woman or anyone a friend can’t play those games management cuz I’m on it I’m on it. I’m In touch with myself so some [of] the phrases that I want you to be aware [of] are I? A narcissist will say ” I know what you’re thinking” “I Know what you feel? [I] know why you did” Ever have a conversation with the spouse when he said to you. [I] know why you did that you did that because you [think] I? So here you have someone who knows what your intention is and he knows what you think um [I] know. I know I know what I know how you feel about me. I know I know what you feel about her [I] know why you did that. I know exactly why you did that you did that because you [think] dear ones I used to get spoken to like that all the time all the time and for [instance], I’ll go back when I was a little girl, and I wanted nothing more than my mother’s validation and I bought her a pair of sneakers because her feet were so Cracked from cleaning the house with bleach and [water] and she never took care of herself, and I thought okay You know I’ll save this money I bought my mom a pair of sneakers. I was a little girl and all I wanted was to take care of my mom and for her to ‘see me’. And she’ll know how much I love her and so when I present her with these sneakers, she turns around and says, “what do you think you can buy my love Lisa?” I was devastated. Here she was insinuating that my agenda wasn’t pure and nothing could have been further from the truth But because [I] was so worried about what she thought about me. I got swept up and feeling ashamed I actually felt [came] away from that experience Carrying shame like oh my God! Did I do something wrong? I bought my mom sneakers and I’m trying to buy her love. I am a horrible person! Was trying to feel validated [I] was trying to Get her to pay attention The little girl in me was just trying to bond with my mother, and yes, as a child I thought if I bought her sneakers she would understand how much I loved her. When I was married to my first husband , he was, in my opinion, a covert narcissist, OJ Simpson type, Dr.. Jekyll and Mr.. Hyde Passive-Aggressive man. Even though no one saw those sides to him but me and our children. [I] remember I bought him a birthday present, and he actually said [to] me. “I know why you bought this” I Was like “because it’s your birthday”, [and] he went off into this whole long Tirade about how I had an ulterior motive for buying him the gift he wanted. He accused me of trying to make him look bad, The birthday presents that I bought for him were more meaningful than the birthday presents He’d bought for me He actually came away with “you bought this for me because you want me to feel bad about the gifts that I bought you” oh My God! that is so sick that is ridiculous that it’s absolutely ridiculous But that was the way I lived and so if I clean the bathroom, Are you trying to tell me that? I that you clean better than me? So what you clean a bathroom better than I clean the bathroom? I mean it was everywhere accusation Paranoia, it was everywhere and Because I was codependent, and I was raised by two unrecovered adult children of alcoholics who unfortunately Scrambled with my brain and my mom especially my mom is very suspicious of people very [very] critical of people doesn’t trust anybody There are explanations. I mean that’s that’s the effect. My mom is is very critical and very judgmental although again, many people outside our home never saw that side of her. There is a cause and those are her personal causes and I totally get why my mom is that way? But she’s a [zombie] because she’s never confronted it and tried to work it out, and I [think] that that awareness is like a ladder That never ends, and we’re always supposed to be climbing those ladders What was supposed to be reaching [for] another rung on the ladder [and] she doesn’t do that? So I’m up here and my mom’s down here, and I don’t mean in terms of worth. we’re all worthy no one is more important than anyone else and and and So I don’t see myself as more worthy I see myself as more aware I see myself as more enlightened than my mom. I am it’s a fact. What could I tell you? Now there are reasons She is that way the way she is. But her reasoning affected my my reasoning and literally her thinking became my thinking and It could be no other way dear ones because our programming comes from our parents We come into the world knowing our parents are the boss. We listen to them and we believe them. We’re supposed to be learning from them. They are our guardians. They’re supposed to be guarding over us we come into this world Just assume. They know what the hell, they’re talking about. We don’t know they don’t we don’t know their history. We don’t know that They’re dysfunctional We just know this is why I have a house operates. That’s all we know so and Little homes are like mind societies, and so there are many communities So we think everyone thinks like this? and So when we meet a family that doesn’t think like this we feel that Discord we feel that disease and we push it away [it] could be exactly what [we] need to be exposed to but because it’s so not not where we are. It doesn’t feel right So very very important to pay [attention] when people say things to you like. I know why I know what you’re thinking really [I] tell What am I thinking? I’m thinking you’re a boob right now for thinking. You know what I’m thinking How about [we] have a conversation and you listen to what you shut up and you listen to what I’m saying? instead of attacking me and then having the audacity to tell [me] what I think like I don’t have a right to my what I’m Thinking are you kidding me? That’s what a non codependent person says um When a narcissistic type person says to you, I think you feel so now you’re thinking and you’re feeling for me That’s amazing. [that’s] quite a talent. Where’d you learn that? When people say I know what you’re thinking? I know what you’re feeling [you] feel you feel Like as a matter of fact just the other night My son and my daughter is observing a conversation between the two of them. That’s what I do. I observe, I observe them I observed me. I observe everything And I heard my [son] say to my daughter [my] son’s 26 and my daughter’s 23 my middle daughter is 23 And he said to her I know you think That’s why I did that and I stopped him. I said dude I said hold on I said I have to live [I’m] your mom and if I see something I think is going to trip you up in life it’s my job to tell you I mean if I taught you to stay away from I taught you to look both ways in the street, right? Before you cross you don’t get hit by a car dude You’re gonna get slammed in life if you think you can speak to people this way and if you believe it You don’t know what your sister [thinks], and you don’t know what she feels? And you don’t know what she knows a healthy conversation is Michelle Tell me what you think [tell] [me] what why you think I did that? So that I can figure out where the breakdown in the story is because this was my intent This was my intent. I think possibly you may have thought I think possibly and please correct me if I’m wrong Did you think that I called that girl because of this? Then shut up and listen to her answer Just shut up actually receive it So when we’re dealing with I love my son, and I love my daughter But they suffered because of the way they observed their father and their mother me and my ex-husband speak to one another They heard all day long from especially from him. Oh, I know why you did that lee So you did that because you’re trying to hurt me You did that because you were tryna you think you’re better than everybody else you think that because you’re trying to impress me They heard that all day [and] so it’s part of their programming and I as their mother have to pay attention to that Not to criticize them, but to help correct the way they think because If they don’t correct the way they think then they’re going to go through life thinking That when they come across someone first of all they’re not going to be willing to listen to someone they’re going to assume they know Everything that there [is] to know about that person like my ex-husband assumed about me My Ex-husband married to him had three kids with him he doesn’t know who I am and That is so sad and I’m married for two years to a wonderful man that I’ve known for five years and he knows me More than my ex-husband did and I had children with my ex-husband and I understand now That’s because my ex-husband had no interest in knowing me none. He’s a narcissist his interest was in telling me who I was His interest was more repped up and trying to get me to worry about what I thought he thought about me you see as a Codependent [I] worried about what everyone thought about me when my mother was raising me. It was always it was always What do you think that other person thinks how do you think you made that person feel well? Why did you do that do that? Well? How do you think she felt? So I was raised to disconnect from what I felt and worried about what everyone else felt I think my mom was trying to come from a good place But [I] don’t think that she realized that I was completely annihilated. I was completely taken out of Situations like [I] had no right to experience a situation, so if I came home, and I [said] you know [mom] You know Raymond was picking on me today. She would say would you do? what you do, so [a] healthier thing to say to a child is this How’d that make you feel? What do you mean? What? Do you mean? He was picking on you? Why do you think that happened okay? Not? What did you do? Why do you think what do you think his problem? Is that he would pick on you and ultimately how does that make you feel? You want to validate the experience make it real because if you don’t the child would get stuck in that place energetically and a wound will get created um And those feelings will get suppressed because they didn’t get to be expressed what you don’t express gets suppressed And I thought of that [in] that clever doing once you can use it if you want to um but not in writing That’s my stuff anyway anyway what you don’t express gets suppressed, and it has to come out eventually and so [a] better way to handle that situation is tell me what you think tell me what you feel And then what do you want to do about it? How do you think you’re going to handle this tomorrow help your children? learn how to Validate their experience. It’s your job to validate what they’re going through So that’s that now if you were using language like I know what you think I know why she said that I know I know what you feel correct yourself you don’t know how people think and you don’t know how people feel you don’t not really if You’re if you’re a better way to go about relationships is to actually relate is to Listen to what the other person is saying Hear what they’re saying now if feel like you’re being manipulated you probably argue one You probably are so then you have a choice except how you feel feel what you feel And then decide what you want to do about it when I’m confronted with someone who speaks to me like that like oh I know why you said that I’m immediately turned off, and I cut it right there. [I] tell people I’m interested in having conversations if You’re going to tell me what I feel. There’s no. I could just you know. I’ll give you a picture Nate by ten glossy and you can talk to the picture because you think you know me There’s no reason [for] me to be a part of this conversation because you’re not asking [me] what I feel you’re assuming You know now if you’d like to know we can have an intelligent conversation about that but If you’re going to keep telling me what I think and [telling] me what [I] know then this there’s no reason [to] me You’ve got part of this conversation So dear once I hope that has enlightened you a little bit And I hope that makes you feel a little bit stronger a little bit more confident about moving forward in the world and having conversations pay attention Dear ones Narcissists tell you what to think they tell you they actually imply that they know what you’re thinking and they don’t But you can’t counter that unless you get that straight in your head unless you become aware that uh he’s telling me what I think He’s telling me why I did what I did. He’s telling me how I feel He’s assuming that he knows how I feel You have to counter that with excuse me if you want to know how I feel I’ll tell you if you want to know what I think I’ll tell you if you want to know why I did something I’ll tell you that doesn’t mean you’re going to hear it It doesn’t mean you’re going to believe It doesn’t mean you can receive it But if you want to speak to me and figure out the reasons why I’m more than happy to tell you So dear one stay clear of those narcissistic conversations if you are married [to] a narcissist hold strong Learn to ground yourself, you will frustrate him or her plenty of female narcissists out there that tell you what side of the bed to get in on [that] tell you where you should put your shoes and what shoes you should wear plenty of those going around? but if you have a narcissist in your life it’s going to help you get clear about how to communicate effectively and they will get frustrated [and] they will get angry and I had a lovely comment by a woman named gwen who has just started following the channel and she added her insight very wise and she said if you want to know if you’re dealing with the Narcissist disagree with them when you disagree with the narcissist, it’s like you set off a bomb They cannot deal with the fact that you’re not agreeing with them And that’s an indicator that you’re dealing with a troubled person [if] you say to someone oh I can I can hear you I can [hear] your opinion But this is what I think and if they can receive what you’re saying then you’re dealing with someone who’s a lot more [stable] But then again there are always covert narcissists who first few times you meet them They’ll act like it’s okay that you disagree with them, but it really isn’t they’re waiting for you. They’re waiting They’re waiting until they really have you At least until they feel like they really have you before they before they really start to show the true colors Do you want me know how you feel please subscribe to my channel and consider taking my up two upcoming teleclass in September? [the] last one was a huge success, and I look forward to coaching more of you soon If you would like to coach me one on one just reach out to me at least to a romanovitch Or healing self Esteem at now I must say everybody I bow to love and a light in you the light in you you are light And you are loved [you’re] one don’t let anybody tell you any different namaste


  1. LISA I LOVE YOU and YOUR STYLE OF SPEAKING the most on youtube. Your lessons are to the point and you don't waste time getting the point across. Your the best. I am learning so much and I am being equipped with weapons to stop ignorant narcissistic talk next time it tries to take advantage of me or anyone else. Also, "What you don't express gets suppressed." That is powerful.

    Is it possible for an alcoholic narcissist to be healed to think healthy again?

    How would you even suggest to a narcissist that they have such a condition? They might get super offended and really tell you how it is lol.

  2. I get such a warm fuzzy feeling from listening to you Lisa. I’m so glad I found you on YouTube because after I’ve been abused all day, I know that I can turn on your channel and start to heal

  3. Cheers to be awoken! My mother's a covert-narc to and I just escaped a former love interest that was a covert-narc. Nothing gets resolved, communication sucks, and both of them are emotionally unavailable.

  4. my ex husband would say I was trying to by people's love when I would give gifts. I could never understand….but now I do.

  5. Unfortunately, my mom has many of these traits. Growing up, I use to think how she treated me was normal, but as an adult I've come to realize that its neither normal nor emotionally healthy-especially since she continues to exemplify the same abusive traits. She goes out of her way to pick fights with me, she disagree's with everything I say, tells me how I feel is stupid, calls me every name in the book when I disagree with her views, refuses to let me speak or express myself without cutting in and expressing herself.  When she is upset, she will say the most vile and degrading comments out of sheer anger. Wether she means it or not, it still hurts and to make matters worse she will never own up to it Always justifying her abusive behavior. I believe my mom to have a combination of anger issues & narcissism. I find myself to be a constant victim of her abuse and struggle to find love for her. I'm afraid she is making me hate her to the point of no return.

  6. She brought up such a good point about you being the therapist "boss." I used to go to a therapist that didn't help me very much, but I felt guilty about my therapy not working so I stayed with them instead of finding one that works for me. Don't feel bad!!! Please go get the therapist that works for you so you don't waste your time and you can get better ❤❤❤ Also I love how she says "Dear Ones" (:

  7. I truly wish I could talk to you in person. My whole life has been hell and still is. I know the signs but just can’t get rid of the magnet I have!by the time I notice it’s too late,and I just can’t undo the damage done to me. I’m grateful for this video and I will certainly look at your other videos also. Blessings.

  8. Lisa, I can't tell you thank you enough! For the first time in my life, I finally get it! I finally understand why, whywhy, why… I understand my poor communication skills, my enhanced empathic skills, my hypervigilance, oversensitivity, detachment from my body, disconnection from others… I always thought there was sooooo much wrong with me! I knew my mom was a narcissist but I didn't realize how this affected me I didn't realize that my mom brainwashed me. Now I can listen to her and I know what she's doing from my bodily reactions and now I don't react because I have nothing to prove anymore!!!!!!!! My mom looks confused when I don't react … Yeah, I know what she's been doing now. She gave birth to me in the same way people get an extra car from the junkyard for extra parts!!! No, you cannot have any of my extra parts anymore!!!! Thank you Lisa! I feel more free than I ever have I don't have any confusion anymore! I can see all these years my higher self has always been trying to lead me in the right direction and that's why I always have so much confusion due to my brainwashing!!!! Wow! I feel like the prison gates have been opened. It's gonna take a little bit to get used to this 🙂 thanks!

  9. Why do I get the feeling that psychologists and counselors have a tendency to blame Mothers for what the individual becomes as an adult? I think it is wrong! I feel that each one of us has a path in life that God has created. God wants you to learn something about yourself in the process of growing and developing as a human being. I like to stop the blaming and become accountable for my own choices, actions and the outcome of those choices and actions. I do not think anyone's Mom is perfect, but we as children are not either. When we blame, we take responsibility out of our hands and what we need is to be more understanding of our parents and how life has treated them. They have a lot wisdom that we have ignored because we are the "know it all."

  10. Thank you…from my heart…you speak how I felt how I was bought up. Even then to find a man who was just like my mother. Didn't know at the time but 2 years into therapy yes I was looking for the approval. Thank you for making me feel its not my fault xxxx

  11. My Mother wanted to be a country western singer..why did she have children? she always told us " i'm going to leave you if you are not good

  12. Hello Lisa,new sub here. Wow, those are words that have I hated to hear since I was a very small child. I remember like it were yesterday my dad staring at me (could feel him) then saying something along the lines "I know what you're up to" , or "you don't fool me any" , and I swear I'd just be sitting there playing , or maybe sitting on my mother's lap watching TV. He would do the gift thing too. I loved wrapping little items I had and giving them to family members as gifts, he would say "that stuff doesn't work on me" , "you may be able to fool the rest of them" , I would just hang my head and walk away wondering if I were the evil thing he always accused me of being. I am the baby of 5 and later found out my older sister by 6 years had a hand in my father's perception of me (her own words). However, I now believe in our family of seven there are two narcissists. Father, and sister (4th born). Both were (father passed) sadistic and liars. I have finally cut myself off from my sister for the last several years.

  13. I understand one type narcissist you are referencing.   My dad would always no matter how I felt always say things like, You are acting this way because of of of (it would never be correct at all)  You only said that to me because you think this or that.  But even though my Dad was around me for 52 years of his life when he passed away in 2005 HE NEVER KNEW ME, because he would only tell me what I thought or believed or why any action of mine was done and he was always totally wrong.  When I loved out on my mother and stepdads farm from when I was age 13 up until I was age 18 and then returned to Houston Tx where my dad lived for work, My dad never allowed me to tell him how I operated two tractors on a 3 acre field nor about how I milked numerous cows  and learned to work on cars and implement equipment.  When I tried to share these developed abilities experiences to him he would babble yea yea yea yea uh huh uh huh and totally dismeed anything I said but would only treat me and tell me anything as if I was still as that 13 year old boy.  So a narc will dismiss any of your achievements and education as though it doesn't even exist and treat you and talk to you as they want to label you


  15. I love how you say "my dear ones". Hugs to you, girl, I've been and still am in a situation with a narc. I don't want to say too much about it, only that I feel like I'm constantly counting myself away to keep my inner peace… Agree, suck up, or shut up. Keep all commmunications very limited. Say things like "Well, I'm sorry you're feeling that way." When I'm told I'm stupid I simply say "Yes, I am!" and then smile in a goofy way. I feel like with a narcissist I can't be my true self. I give in constantly to keep the peace. I don't like being yelled at like this person is blowing the hair off of my skull… I don't like to be provoked. So I give in. Every. Single. Time. And I'm fed up with it. Especially because it's my handicapped mother whom I can't just get away from…

  16. Lisa, I am so pleased I came across your podcast. I was abused verbally by my mom, physically by my stepdad and sexually by my father. Needless to say at 56 yrs old. I I I spent four long term narcissistic relationships with guys and I really prefer women. My life continued to be active and I always had the support of dedicated friends. Many shrinks have NOT snapped me out of the agorphobia that surfaced 8 years ago which seems to have appeared from living a life time of false programming. I wish you took Medicare. LOL. Many kudos to you for what you have diligently discovered within. Namaste, Jeff

  17. That was my childhood, alcoholism and violence…. mom died when I was 12, dad died when I was 17… I'm just fucked up inside

  18. Your information brings forth my captive tears. Thank you for documenting this. Very validating to me. You really know your stuff Lisa! Blessings from Texas!

  19. Lisa The amazing Gift to us that You truly are to us Thankyou for ALL your very valuable output I'm sure I speak for many "Thankyou "and countless Blessings to You in all that You do

  20. Roles can be flipped: adult kids(dependent living in your home) act that negatively, while the kind parent continues to attempt to demonstrate co-operative validating interactions.. Scapegoated and responsible for the safety of toddler grandson.. All those tactics: mess making, shunning, gossiping, disregarding living standards, ignoring, criticizing, talking down to..selfishness, projection, shaming!! Grammy setting a boundary can lead to an assault. Idk, but its difficult to find support, that is safe,for this dynamic.

  21. Gosh, you have been talking about the very things that happened to me. I thought (at the time) it was the normal way parents related to children

  22. Exactly the story of my life!!! My eyes opened super wide when I was 33. I was just diagnosed with a severe case of ankylosing spondylitis. I happened to read the book Your Erroneous Zones, than three books from Isabelle Nazarre-Avra (a French psychologist) on narcissists. It was like a slap on the face. I had no rights to experienced situations, just like you. Now, I’m stuck in a marriage with a narcissist man… And my parents are like : “Leave that asshole right away!”, then they would go : “Ho, he can be so nice…”. They are loaded with moneay but they don’t want to financially help me out… Horrible! Thank God! My narc husband IS NOT the father of my two kids!

  23. Thank you SO much for this. I recognize myself in some of these quotes. I assume the worst about people of what they think of me. This is SO helpful. God bless you!

  24. Oh my god, you remind me so much of myself. Does that sound totally narcissistic? LOL. Sorry. I just love your "no BS" approach and how black and white you are. It's refreshing. I can tell you are a great mother based on the fact that you call your adult kids on their shit because you love them! That is awesome. As soon as you said, "now shut up and receive it", I paused the video to write this comment. People like you just get it. Great sense of self awareness. Keep it up!

  25. my fiancee wasn't wanted by his father. his father even tried to give him away. he has very or little emotion. never affectionate ever and he knows it! how do you get someone to be affectionate???

  26. Bingo! My husband is always telling me what I think and feel! Thank you for the validation…after a 12 year marriage of this type of interaction and many other behaviors that made my head spin, I now know that I am dealing with a narcissistic person.

  27. My dad said I know what you are thinking,I said I know you are lying, if you knew what I was thinking you would be running in terror.

  28. Its hard to believe that a Mother would actually say something like that to her daughter, but I believe it! My narc Mother would never actually come out and be that honest. However, her actions would say the same thing by putting them in the back of the closet, donating them or whatever.

  29. Lisa,
    Many years ago when I was 19 myself and my girlfriend bought my parents a simple anniversary gift. We realized that day it was their day. My father said to me “Don’t try to buy our love.” My girlfriend was shocked. I explained it away.
    Your first example brought it all back to me. Thanks!

  30. Thank you Lisa 💖. Your teaching is helping me finally get it! I'm 62 and a social person.
    And just now understanding why some folks are jerks. Thank you for being open and fair.
    I try and catch myself when I also try and judge others. It's unfair and doesn't allow me to
    be open. Somebody wrote: try and go through a day not judging anybody or any thing. That's a challenge !

  31. After all these years, I know have a name to put to what I have been dealing with for 40+ years. I will continue to watch and listen to you.
    Thank you.. I always thought it was my fault. My fault was wanting to believe the lies he would tell me or others. He would have nothing but good things to say about me in front of others but at home the story was not the same. I was/am not good enough and do all things wrong.

  32. I only just now realized I don't need to defend myself against something someone made up in their head. 
    And now I just feel ridiculous.
    Thank you.

  33. I find that all alcoholics become co-dependant on someone who accepts their schizophrenic behaviours. It would be best to be with one who knows how to show love and light on a daily basis than to choose to continue with one who needs all 7 Chakras cleared and give up the booze for a milkshake or a smoothie!

  34. I swear to God we had the same mother!!!! 😉 Thank you for posting all of this. You have been helping me get through some dark times.

  35. Thank you SO MUCH!!! Lisa, for ALL of your Great videos, and Valuable, and Helpful Information! FYI: Here's a great song for you!
    (FYI: I'm so glad that you changed your hair style = Very Beautiful!)

  36. I remember growing up when I would cry in pain, my parents would say I don’t cry Blood. I dealt with emotional, physical, mental and verbal abuse growing up. I finally dealt with sexual abuse by my step father I learned forgiveness for myself. I am also suffer from bipolar for about thirty one years.

  37. Thank you so much for your videos. I have been watching them for the last couple of days because I had a friend tell me they thought I was codependent. I'm also recently divorced from a man that I am learning is a covert or nice narcissist. I just didn't want to believe for the longest time that I allowed to let myself get sucked in and controlled and demoralized for 1years before I found the strength to leave. You have helped me to understand me better, and now I'm on this path to learn to love me and set boundaries.

  38. Obviously there is nothing wrong with the narcissist.The problem is the empathic who need to restore their boundaries and stay the hell away.I have no words to thank you enough for bringing so much self esteem to my life. I know now after 64 years of struggles that I am OK, nothing is wrong with me , that I do not have amnesia nor I am delusional…but I have a strong case of fatal attraction and I understand why my life has been so meaningless.You gave me tools to fend myself and it makes me feel good.

  39. “If you think you know what I’m thinking I’ll give you an 8×10 and you can talk to my picture.” Pure gold! 😂 laughter can be hard to come by in these situations.

  40. Oh my god u r helping me to be a better mother!! My mother was a narcissist. I do not know how to be a healthy mother for my 12 and 2 year old when it comes to their feelings and how im supposed to speak to them to make them happy healthy Human beings. This video was sooo helpful!

  41. Wow…I've heard this kind of language all my life. I even find myself speaking it sometimes. Thanks for the correction. I really needed to hear this. I certainly don't know what people are thinking, or feeling, I can only assume. Hearing you say that made me remember that, and I feel so much better for that. Honestly, it takes a load of pressure off me, because I've been feeling like I am not greatly liked by some of my family, mainly because my dad would make me feel like they probably didn't. Now, I know I can just talk about it to them.
    Wow, my dad speaks to me in the way you mentioned. He tells me why I did something, or what I think. He puts words in my mouth all the time. He hates any amount of disagreement. He says that if I don't agree with him, I think he's a nobody or he doesn't know anything, or I don't love him, or we don't have the same mindset. It's been really hard to maintain any kind of relationship with him lately, because I've been getting more and more frustrated with him, and our arguments are more frequent. Usually he wins the arguments, and I end up looking like the bad guy to the rest of my family. (I know this because they often tell me that I am at fault for the arguments, mainly because I should already know how our dad is, and plus, he's dad right? I have to what he says. But the issue is, I am 25 now.) At this point, I really don't know who's to blame. I'm just tired of the arguments. He's my music manager as well. I don't want him out of my life, but I am tired of his ways. Sometimes he gets fighting mad over nothing.
    Like this one time we had someone make some music for us, but there were a few notes that were off key. I wanted to call the guy, and you know, have the problem fixed. My dad said no, that would offend the guy who did the music. I tried to convince him that if we weren't happy about something, we should let the guy know, so we won't regret it later. My dad kept saying no, we should work with the music as it was. The debate got more and more heated until he was yelling at the top of his lungs, and his posture got tense and aggressive, and I gave in. But even afterward, he complained for an extra few hours about how I could have gave in from the beginning, and how I only thought I could argue with him, because another person was getting involved in my career and I thought I didn't need him anymore. That was 4 years ago, but he still holds that against me to this day. We've gotten into similar arguments since then. Everyone else around him automatically goes along with everything he says. I don't go along with everything. And I am the troublemaker for that. It's really draining to deal with.

  42. That is exactly how I feel like.
    I never know wy. Mother narcissist .hit me all the time. Mi father never talk to me. Now I'm with a guy that treet me like both. I don't know how to break up, or live.

  43. I think you are right. I grew up with alcoholism, and it was very important to understand/grasp the “mood” of the room, and the people in it. Unfortunately, it was also important to understand the worst possible scenario— how bad can this get? Where can I go? I began this line of reasoning “I know what you think/feel” as a survival technique. Of course I don’t know how others think, but I’m usually close. However, this doesn’t serve me as well as an adult. In order to feel safe, I have to read the room, avoid the bad stuff while others carry on attending their own agenda. It’s making every day harder than it needs to be. Which is actually what narcissists love, making every little thing as difficult as possible. Like moving a full sized leather sofa through a narrow door, sideways and tilted when you have double doors into the same room. Like hefting every cinder block over the side of a truck when you could just move the truck. Why would someone do this? To evoke an argument so that she could get fed.

  44. I love this soooo much!!! Lisa I replayed 12:00 on 4x!!! 11-12:26. Oh man I'm laughing so hard !! BUT ITS TRUE!!! I absolutely felt & thought that way upon first experience of this… but said no they dont knot where I'm coming from at all. "You don't get to tell me what I'm thinking. Sorry you feel that way. "

  45. Absolutely hit it out of the park Lissaaaaaaaa!!! Relationship = Actually RELATE! 8×10 glossy
    ….. love it!

  46. A so called friend of mine told me were dancing last night. She told me that I'm too intellectual. Two men came up to us. She made out with one. I talked to the other. I have a boyfriend. She asked me why I was talking and not making out. I told her that I have a partner. She said to me that I need to not think about that. She was so mean that the men walked away. I walked away too. She's not kind.

  47. Lisa I am very sorry for your sad childhood, but I grew up being belittled, critjicised, made fun of. Exactly the same. It was long ago, before there had been all this clarity about narcissists and toxic family. It took me many years to realise

  48. My latest ex thought he could dictate to me who I was and what my motives were. His narcissism is particularly covert, but there were red flags I rationalized myself out of. I'm thankful he showed his true colors early on so I didn't expend too much of my precious time on him.

  49. You are a god send, I’m sorry for all the suffering you had to go through for the first thirty odd years of your life! I was living a condition life until I started to very slowly at first see the light. You help so much to validate and give us a voice. Keep spreading the awareness as you are helping all around the world to wake up. Our suffering as you are proving can be turned around (alchemy) for the good of oneself and humanity. 🙏💕

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