Ich bin erkältet: German Doctor Visit

By Adem Lewis / in , , , , , , , , , , , /

I am ill: Doctor Appointment *cough* *sneeze* Ugh! I have a cold. My throat hurts. I have a headache. My sinuses are inflamed and stuffed. I cough and sneeze every three seconds and I have no energy. I have to go to the doctor. *Herr Antrim calls the doctor.* 36-24-36. Nurse Miller: Antrim Practice, Nurse Miller on the phone. What can I do for you? Herr Antrim: Hello, Mr. Miller. This is Levi Antrim. I have a cold, but I fear I might have strep throat or diphtheria. Could I get an appointment for today? Nurse Miller: Of course. There are available appointments at a quarter after ten, thirteen ten (1:10 pm) and sixteen o’clock (4 pm). Herr Antrim: I’ll take the first one. The earlier I see the doctor, the sooner I will recover. Hopefully I won’t die in the next two hours. Nurse Miller: Are you immunized, Mr. Antrim? Herr Antrim: Yes. Of course. Anti-vaxxers are idiots. Nurse Miller: If you are immunized, then you probably don’t have diphtheria, but rather a completely normal man-flu. You will probably survive. Herr Antrim: Well, good. Until ten fifteen. Nurse Miller: See you later. Bye. ***At the doctor’s office in the waiting room*** Nurse Miller: Hello. Herr Antrim: Hello. Nurse Miller: Do you have an appointment? Herr Antrim: Yes, at ten fifteen. I am Levi Antrim. Nurse Miller: May I see your insurance card for a moment? Herr Antrim: Yes. Here it is. Nurse Miller: Thank you. Please fill out this anamnesis questionnaire. Herr Antrim: Didn’t I fill out this anamnesis questionnaire last time? Nurse Miller: Probably, yes, but you have to update it once in a while. Herr Antrim: Ok. *He sitzt down.* I don’t understand why I have to update my name and birthdate. My cellphone number is still 011496-714-7113. Insurance Agency: AOK Plus Employer: Dunkin Donuts Remitter/Referral: Uhm… Google? Am I currently under the care of a doctor? I am at the doctor’s office now, but I don’t think that is the question. I will mark “no”. Then I don’t have to fill out these blanks. Are you or have you had any of the following illnesses? Respiratory Disease (Asthma, shortness of breath) – No. Allergies (Penicillin, Pain Medications) – seasonal allergies, but otherwise, nothing. Sugar disease (Diabetes) – No. Rheumatic Diseases – No. Infectious Diseases (Tuberculosis, AIDS, Hepatitis, etc.) – Yepp. I’ve got ‘em all. Heart or Circulatory Diseases (Heart Attack, High Blood Pressure) – No. Kidney Disease – No. Do you take any medication regularly? (Marcumar, Aspirin, Biphosphate) – Tee hee. They wrote “ASS” here. (Herr Antrim googles “ASS Medikamente.) Oh. They mean Aspirin, but that is a name brand product. In general it is called acetylsalicylic acid. No wonder the Germans simply say “ASS”. I can’t pronounce this word at all. Oh no. I don’t take these medications regularly. Are you currently pregnant? Hopefully not, but if yes, then I will be famous. When was your last dental x-ray? 1995. Nurse Miller: Mr. Antrim, please. Please, take a seat. The doctor will be with you shortly. Doctor: Hello, Mr. Antrim. How can I help you? Herr Antrim: I think I have a cold, but I wanted to be sure that it wasn’t anything worse. Doctor: Open wide and say “Ahh”. Herr Antrim: Ahhh. Doctor: Now I will listen to your lungs. (He puts the stethoscope on Herr Antrim’s chest.) And now breathe deeply in and out. Herr Antrim: (He breathes in and out.) Doctor: And now I will measure your temperature. (He measures Herr Antrim’s temperature.) 39 degrees (102.2 F). That is a fever. And now I will swab the back of your throat and test this for bacteria. I will be back with the results shortly. ***5 Minutes Later*** Doctor: You have streptococci. Herr Antrim: What does that mean? Am I dying? How long do I have to live? Should I call my family? Help, doc. Doctor: You have strep throat (inflammation of the throat). You will survive. You will get an antibiotic for that and in a few days you will feel much better. Herr Antrim: Thank you. Doctor: You will get the medication from the pharmacy with a prescription. If you don’t feel better after a few days, call me and we will try something else. Here is a sick certificate for your employer. I wish you a good recovery. Good-bye. Herr Antrim: Good-bye. If you’re looking for more doctor visit type videos, I’ve got another one of those over here. In the meantime, that is all for today. Thanks for watching. Until next time. Bye.

5 thoughts on “Ich bin erkältet: German Doctor Visit

  1. For a copy of the video script in German & English along with a worksheet, answer key and mp3 download, click here: https://www.germanwithantrim.com/product/ich-bin-erkaltet-german-doctor-visit/

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