Rette deine Freiheit! – Save your freedom! (ENGLISH TRANSLATION)

By Adem Lewis / in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , /

Just recently we found out that the German Internet is awash with images of addictive child pornography. For many long years, we tried in vain to come up with a solution. But now, shortly before the election, we’ve had an amazing idea: With a stop-sign, we’ll extinguish the huge industry that earns millions from the exchange of freely-available child pornography. In doing so, we employ a tactic which has already proven its value in many troubled families: Simply block it out. Everyone’s familiar with this massive flood of child pornography on the internet. If you don’t look away, you too could quickly become an addicted paedophile. Gay porn turns you gay. And lesbian porn turns you into a lesbian. So, simply block it out! The stop signs have yet another advantage: The culprit is warned early on. This saves the police valuable time, which helps you, the tax-payer. The culprit, too, actively helps out by destroying the offending material. Certain troublemakers claim we want to censor the Internet. Of course we don’t want that. But unfortunately what we must do in order to protect you is unavoidable. The block will cost hundreds of millions. This money could be invested in prevention, therapy and personelle for helping the victims: an utter waste. Our stop signs will one day also benefit the victims of Nazis, Terrorism, violent computer games, piracy, foreign gambling sites, defamation, criticism, opposition, freedom of speech, human rights and democracy, since we must maintain these freedoms in the Internet at an appropriate level. Only one per 100 paedophiles records and spreads their abuse online. So, that means 99% of all child abusers have nothing to worry about. But instead of 99% of the victims, we’ll shield 100% of the population. Since without our protection, the Internet will turn into something so abominable — It is unimaginable how awful it will be! In order to save your tax-money, no traditional, lawful surveillance will be used. The list of banned websites is top-secret and the process by which it’s created is in no way within the law. Therefore abuse of the list, or the process by which it’s created, is impossible. And don’t worry: in the event that you find yourself on a blocked page by accident, we’ll record that fact, in order to be able to prove your innocence. Many say that the stop signs are easy to get around. They are. You can get around the block in 30 seconds using a simple tutorial. However, only 20% of all Internet users are experienced enough to manage to do this. These users are mostly seasoned paedophiles. For this reason, we don’t allow any experienced Internet users into our political party. And now we have even more good ideas for the Internet: We want to implement the “Three Strikes” model: If you misbehave three times on the Internet, your connection will be capped without need for a court ruling. Then you can’t do anything bold anymore. We got the idea from the Middle Ages. Back then, you’d take a thief’s tools of the trade, in order to protect them from themselves and from committing further crimes. Nowadays, we record and retain for 6 months your home phone, mobile phone, Internet, email and bank activities. Soon, we’ll have your biometric data and health records too, in order to save your freedom. Something else we’re missing is many more CCTV cameras and the army at home. In fact, everything that’s technologically possible nowadays, in order to save you and your freedom. So! Vote CDU and Save Your Freedom! On 18/06/2009 the introduction of needless and unconstitutional “Internet-blocks” was agreed upon the main coalition. The opinions of experts and a petition with over 134,000 signatures were overruled and ignored. Combined voting of the parties: (For=Red, Against=Green)

9 thoughts on “Rette deine Freiheit! – Save your freedom! (ENGLISH TRANSLATION)

  1. @GloriousOtaku über die wahren hintergründe und was als öffentliche begründung vorgeschoben wird, kann man ja diskutieren. aber der ursprüngliche punkt war ob es andere länder betrifft. und ich kenn zumindest fünf länder (bei denen es definitiv so ist), wo die ausrede "wir müssen gewalt eindämmen" verwendet wird um bürger effizienter zu überwachen und einzuschränken. (obwohl ich mir mir sicher bin manche meinen diese blöden gründe wirklich ernst… gibt genug dumme leute auf der welt…)

  2. @GloriousOtaku fünf WESTLICHE länder sollte das heißen… außerhalb nordamerikas und europas gibts natürlich auch noch einen ganzen haufen, über die ich aber weniger weiß.

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