Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome
to press conference. The next President of the United States is here to make himself
available to answer any questions which you may care to put him. Oh, within reason of
course. Mr President. Okay, right. Fire away. Er… Mr Wiley there. – Yeah. Mr President, what do
you intend as your first move now that the election is over? – I think perhaps the President
should be allowed to answer that in his own good time. There’s no point jumping the gun
now, is there? Ms Steepwell. Mr President, do you think you can crack the energy problem? – Well… – I’m afraid the President is not willing to answer that question at the present time.
– On the contrary, I am more than willing to answer the question. – Oh, I’m sorry. I got
that wrong. The President IS willing to answer that question. Next question please. Mr Camby. –
Yes, sir. There have been rumors that… – I don’t… There’s no reason for the President to stoop to answering that kind of cheap abuse now, is there? I’m sorry. And what rumors are these?
– Well look! Shut up! Shut up please! We can’t hear the President speak! Next question please. Ms Steepwell, you’ve got now one more. This one’s for the President. – Hahah, aren’t we all? Aren’t we all? – ??? How do you feel about your victory? – Well… – It’s no big
deal, is it really? One guy wins, the other schmuck loses. Who… who gives a damn for Christ’s sake? So, next question.
– What about energy? – He’s got lots of it! Don’t be so damn insulting you! – Gentlemen, please. Hey, excuse me. I feel… – Look, hey, look. Excuse me, sir. It will be altogether
more orthodox if you only answer direct questions instead of butting in like some simple-minded
horse whenever it pleases you. I’m trying to hold a press conference here. – I am perfectly capable of answering any question that may be asked of me. – Oh! Oh! Oh! Fair enough.
Okay! The ??? President of the United States awaits your questions, ladies and gentlemen.
Fire away! The President of the United States of America! Mr Big here is ready… ready
to answer you any… any question with incisive wit and drive that you may care to put to
his MASSIVE presidential brain! All yours! – Right, very well. Mr Tucker, you asked me
about my feelings on racial relations. – Yes, sir. And the President replies, “Mind your
own goddamn business, Tucker!” – Please. My feelings on race relations (are entirely immature) are that for the past 200 years, the American people have conjoined (with each other) with each other… er… in a great quest for ehm… (harmony)
harmony, (democracy) democracy, (freedom) freedom, (cupcakes) cupcakes, (crumbly candy bars) crumbly candy bars. (It’s incredible, isn’t it?) It’s incredible, isn’t it? (That a cretin such
as this) That a cretin such as this (should become President of the United States) should become President of the United States of America.