Two Best Friends Tear Each Other to Pieces – Sam Morril vs. Joe Machi – Roast Battle

By Adem Lewis / in , , /

We are back in
the “Roast Battle” arena! Motherfuckers, give it up
for our deejay, Coach Tea! [ Cheers and applause ] Our first roaster is one
of the most beloved comics on the New York scene. Before that, he worked
in customer service, so he’s used
to being berated. Give it up for the high-pitched
hit man, Joe Machi! [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ ♪ He’s on fire ♪ His opponent is also his best
friend and podcast co-host. He’s the deep voice
to Joe’s sweet voice. He’s a class act
with a hairy back. Make it loud and gravelly
for Sam Morill! [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ Yes. This looks like two used-car
salesman about to get fired. [ Laughter ] Jeff, you look like a rap
group’s first manager. [ Laughter ] -Here we go!
-Yeah. That’s the kind of
New York energy we need to bring
to this show tonight. I love both of these guys. They’re best buddies.
They do a podcast together. Neither of them
have ever seen a clit. [ Laughter ] That’s not true.
I’ve seen your nose. [ Laughter ] Yeah! Saudi Prince,
they’re both from your favorite city,
New York City. I haven’t been to New York
since September 10th. [ Laughter ] But… Who is that? Robert Pattinson
with an extra chromosome going up against… It’s fair. …a more feminine
Lena Dunham or…? I think these two veterans
know the rules. -Who wants to go first?
-I’ll go first. Are we ready for this?! [ Cheers and applause ] Bert, Ernie, let’s roast! [ Bell dings ] Joe looks like the type of guy
that would say “fudge” instead of “fuck.” He also looks like
the type of guy who would eat fudge
instead of fuck. [ Laughter ] He’s right.
I enjoy fudge. Sam once tweeted that the worst
thing you can say about a comedian onstage
is that he’s a nice person. That’s not true. When Sam’s onstage,
I say he’s a terrible person, he’s not funny,
and I hope he dies slowly. [ Laughter ] That was a good one,
Spaz Bono. I remember
when I first met Joe. It was right after Geppetto
turned him into a real boy, and… [ Laughter ] [ Siren wailing ] Sam’s allergic
to Ibuprofen. It’s his kryptonite. That’s not the only thing he has
in common in with Superman. Both of their fathers
abandoned them. [ Laughter ] Joe, you look like
Pee Wee Herman if his big adventure
was going to Dunkin’ Donuts. [ Laughter ] [ Glass shattering ] I could stand to lose
a few pounds. [ Laughter ] Did you know that Sam
suffers from terrible ADD? It’s actually
a blessing, though. He can’t focus
on his upbringing, his love life,
and his career. [ Laughter ] Joe, look
at that belly. You put the burgers
in Aspergers. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Sam used to tutor
young children for money, but their books had words
he’d never seen before, like “taste.” [ Laughter ] Brian: Last joke! It’s hard
for Joe to be mean ’cause he’s a good devout
Catholic, you know? Joe is so Catholic
that he actually looks like a pregnant virgin. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Comedy Central gave Sam
an hour special. They’ll do anything to make
“The Daily Show” look funny. [ Laughter ] For Same to get laughs,
it’ll have to be an hour of him trying to lift weights. [ Bell dings ] You just saw Morril and Machi
talk smacky. Jeff, who’s New York’s finest? It was
hilariously funny. I love when
best friends battle, ’cause, for me, roasting
really is about love. -Yes.
-You know, this was so much fun for me because, Joe,
you’re a fantastic comedian. You have no business
roasting anyone. Like, it is so far out
of your comfort zone, out of the realm
of possibility. You should be on the cover
of a “Goosebumps” novel, not making fun of people. And, Sam, I don’t even think
you should be a comedian. So this was, like — I was blown away
by what I saw tonight. Really showed it up. Joe, you did the best that you
could have possibly done. Maybe even a little bit better
than even your mother would have
hoped for tonight. But, Sam, all of your jokes
were killer, and, Joe,
none of yours were, so… [ Laughter ] I’m gonna flip the coin,
and it’s coming up Sam. Congratulations, Sam. -One vote for Sam.
-Yes. Nikki? I mean, I love both
these guys so much. I thought you were
truly yourselves up there. Joe, this is out
of your comfort zone, and you put me out
of my comfort zone because it was so
uncomfortable watching you. No, you were great.
I love the way you just go… after every horrible thing
you say. And you ended some of
those jokes with, like, really dark shit, ’cause you’re a dark guy
even though you’re so cheery. I know that there’s
a deep sadness within you. I do, and that’s why
I’m giving you the win, ’cause I don’t want you to pull
a Bourdain later tonight, so… [ Audience groans ] Did you guys not know
he killed himself? That’s what I’m saying. So I’m giving Joe Machi
the win ’cause I did think
that you brought it, but I just think
you need this. Look how happy
you made this man. Joe, I don’t know. You’re like a —
a cult leader’s son trying to assimilate
back into society. [ Laughter ] Not sure what you’re about
and what makes you work, but I find you a lot of fun,
especially at “Roast Battle.” I disagree with Anthony. I do think you should
keep roasting because not only do you
take the jokes, but you’re like
a good target. Yeah, Joe, by all means, keep doing this
to yourself. [ Laughter ] Sam, I mean, you’ve done
this a bunch of times now. You’re a great stand-up. This seems effortless for you
when you’re up there. That pregnant virgin joke
should go down in history between you two. That was totally hilarious. And, congratulations. You win. All right. Your winner,
Sam Morill! Hug each other!

75 thoughts on “Two Best Friends Tear Each Other to Pieces – Sam Morril vs. Joe Machi – Roast Battle

  1. The plump guy is way out his league. He looks just like me passing by cops with my pockets full of pot.

  2. OK to be honest I just don't get them jokes but I think they're funny but what more could you expect from adult versions of Carl and sheen from jimmy neutron.

  3. I can see why they're good friends, Joe's chaotic good, Sam's neutral. They tip the scales ultimately to "pepped up decent".

  4. Sam's jokes were 90% about weight. Joe had more creativity. Joe should have gave em a weight joke back. Should of told him he wanted to go on the Crack diet with Sam n lose some pounds but Joe just couldn't afford it.
    I don't blame him, I like to eat too, instead of starve myself for a wirey appearance.

  5. Oof so much unwarranted fluff in the US versions. Are the jokes not good enough that you feel the need to include all the weird stuff around it?

  6. Joe Machi is a really good comedian, but like Anthony said, he doesn't roast people. His solo comedy is great though check it out, you'll be impressed.

  7. Lol Anthony's judging would have gotten to me a little bit 😂. I'd be like, "damn, I'm really a piece of shit, arent i?"

  8. Joe’s jokes were better when I watched this a second time…but…Sam’s were concise bombs 👌💪👌…clear winner here.

    I think if the battle was longer…Joe’s style would work in this “Roast” setting and he probably would have rallied back for the win.

  9. Other day I was wondering why Joe is even in business.
    And today they've put him in the cage with sam fucking morril??!

    It's like me playing football with Ronaldo.

    What a devastation.
    This is a crime.

  10. Joe Machi is what happens when a Cabbage Patch Kid gets possessed by a sexually confused demon.
    Sam Morril is what happens when Adam Carrolla abandons his illegitimate son behind a dumpster

  11. Sam's jokes were all fat jokes. isn't that like Cardinals are number one with comics? Telling the same joke over and over again? Am I the only one that notices? d this?

  12. Joe Machi is like a real life version of Tom Hanks in Big. He looks like an 8 year old who woke up that morning in a man's body and doesn't know how to operate it.

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