War in the time of peanut allergies | Tim Steeves
24
August

By Adem Lewis / in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , /


We’re soft, though, aren’t we? Aren’t we getting soft? Wasn’t it… wasn’t it harder going, previously? Like now, man, I dunno. My grandfather beat me in an arm wrestle when I was 21 and he was like 70,000. He only had two fingers left on that hand, you know what I mean? Tough guy, you know what I mean? Imagine we had to fight a war now. Have an honest to God fight for freedom. Have a DRAFT?! Can you imagine? Have a draft?! Most of the kids are allergic to peanuts for cripes’ sake. All they’d have to do is put one good row of Crunchy around France. Our hands would be tied. Looks like they’ve got a lot of Smoothy up there too, Captain! “Do we have enough Epi-Pens?” “NO, we don’t have enough Epi-Pens to take the beach!” It was ugly, man. The drawbridge came down and Murphy took a peanut butter ball right in the face. In fact, with the rampant ADD amongst the troops, some of the men have gotten distracted and gone below to make a pizza. We’re just gonna click like and get the hell out of here, sir.


3 thoughts on “War in the time of peanut allergies | Tim Steeves

  1. This is not funny! Peanut allergies can potentially be deadly for some children, and they are not a new invention. Before epi pens were invented, we didn't hear about it because the kids probably just died and medical science didn't know why yet.

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